I just wanna say that life is really very short. We are put on this earth for a small fragment of eternity and it’s up to us what we are going to, willing to, and fight to do on this earth.

What I have learned, TIME and time again in my life is that – Not every girl is going to cheer you on. Even the ones that for all intent and purpose should, won’t! Not every man is going to treat you like gold. Not every day is gonna be sunshine and rainbows.

And though eventually we all weather some really nasty storms. We don’t always come out better. Sometimes we only come out ok. Sometimes we don’t make it through at all. And THATS OK. Sometimes it takes time and therapy and lots of self love, a vacation, a new relationship and/or a little more self awareness to feel even just ‘ok’ over time. (And again, that’s OK)

It’s after these storms you realize who your girls are. You realize who loves you, who makes you, who isn’t deserving of you, and who you choose to do life with. You do start to notice who isn’t clapping for you when you succeed, and you know the ones who talk shit right under your nose, and you tell that bitch BYE. (Seriously I’m telling you, we all have at least one person in our lives right now who hates from afar, doesn’t enjoy when you’re happy or successful, can’t be happy for or celebrate anyone let alone themselves, so we need to trim the fat, cut the loss, rip the bandaid off and let that one GO. Because if they’re not with you, they are against you. This is your sign!)

Ok ok I digress. So ok. I once was told by someone (and by that I mean when we stopped associating with eachother she said these things to people who let me know the awful things she was saying) I worked for that “hurt people hurt people” and that I was a “black cloud hovering over her life” and she said these things publicly and used these really dismantling quotes in reference to …me. It is something that I hate to admit has stuck with me because at one point I looked up to her so much. But yesterday, everything came full circle for me. And I truly love when these things, these epiphanies happen. I have started following more enlightening and educational things on social media, and a girl named Dona who is quickly becoming one of my favorite people, posted about the zodiac! And in turn I downloaded an astrology ap and was reading up on my sign and a little piece of one of my signs’ deeper meanings was the sentiment that wounded people go on to become the best healers, because they’ve been jaded and trampled by pain. They’ve had their soul rung out before their eyes, jumped on, spit on, and still managed to come away unbroken, wounded yes, broken – hell no.

And there I sat. My kids were asleep, and my mind was absolutely blown. Isn’t perspective fucking amazing? Like yes, in her world – hurt people, hurt, people. Yet here I am, though 6 years older and wiser yet still let those little and I mean LITTLE statements made by a small mind affect me! Until last night. When the notion that for me, hurt people (myself) can actually heal people. And ya know what? THAT is the train I wanna be on. Not some broken down bootleg negativity breeds negativity bus. So thank you, dear old friend for your lesson in my life finally, FINALLY coming to a close.

Now. today I can stand proudly and say – I don’t care if you don’t agree with me, I don’t care if you don’t like my hair, my style, the way I raise my kids. I don’t care. It has no weight on my morals, my values and the way I walk through this wild life. I don’t even care if you’re someone who believes that sharing my happiness could possibly take away from your own. If you’re that shallow, that once you tip to fill someone else’s cup with some love, yours feels empty? I don’t want you to pour into me, and quite frankly, I don’t want you in my life.

Because now, where I am? It’s amazing. I’ve lost some pretty significant people in horrible ways. I’ve been abused emotionally and physically, and then chose that again for myself because it’s all I thought I was worth. I worked for one humongous asshole, for about 3 years too long. I stayed in a toxic relationship with an abusive boyfriend because I didn’t know the depths of my worth. I’ve escaped situations I never thought I’d live to talk about. And here I am, hands on my child bearing hips, chest puffed proud, and smile beaming because I am proud of all of these things. The shit, the grit, the abuse, and then, the sunshine. It makes me every day. And just because some people can’t see the way the light shines through me, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. And more than anything, I like to celebrate and radiate WITH others, because there truly IS enough happiness to go around for ALL of us.

The changes that happen after you lose someone truly are not for the faint of heart. And parenting surely is not for pussies. And though the style of my writing is honest and off the cuff, I have a real humility inside, and it comes from deep within and with a lot of weight. But it also comes with a huge bright light that all I wanna do is give away to everyone I love. But what I have learned. Is the people that aren’t worthy. I don’t feel sad or guilt about not sharing with them. Because my therapist told me that some people just lack EFFUSION, and if there is one thing I am definitely not deficient in, it’s that. Please look up the word because it’s meaning is truly beautiful.

So today. On the first really nice day of the spring season, I urge you to weigh your warmth. And protect it. Protect your inner light, and only give it to the people you feel really understand what they’re getting when you’re giving them a piece of you. Because if you know how to be generous with your heart, your time, ya know all the things money can’t buy? There isn’t a better quality to possess in this life, on this earth, in your community and in your circle. And I pray you know who your circle is, too. Mine is small and it comes from Florida, San Diego, Denver NC, a domestic goddess I’ve known forever, NJ, Heaven, an unexpected best friend and sister in love, a cute little apartment in Bspa, a huge heart a few houses down from me and a few other really rare and special places in between. You guys are constantly keeping my cup filled and my warmth steady. And I can never thank you enough, or tell you how deep my love runs for you.

Happy, happy spring ☀️