Unlike the rest of the world, I have Mondays off. In my awesome hairdresser land it is amazing because I get to spend Sunday with my two dudes and then Monday is like my Sunday in that it’s a down time for me to unwind and catch up while the rest of the world returns to the grind. Today was rough. I don’t know how you people do Monday every week. But okay, couple things. This may be my most random post ever, but stick with me. As I’m finding, I start out with one thought and by the end, I’m so far out in left field I forgot what inning it is. I promise, you’ll relate to this though. 

My high school memories included playing donkey kong, popcorn and the always relevant after-school special, talking on the phone, ramen noodles at Tshepo’s house, followed by a bike ride to the park. Hide and seek, AOL, and late night swimming. Girlfriend sleepovers, packed like sardines in a bedroom and never actually sleeping, more talking on the phone and shopping at weathervane. Then as freshmen year rolled by and I became a seasoned sophomore, it was football games on Friday nights, pit parties in the woods, junior prom… more sleep overs, and a red see through pager (143/911). Junior year kind of blurry-ish? Because: fake ID game: strong. Right of passage type stuff. Dating an older boy, going to Myrtle Beach and Alive@5. Senior year was the year of all years because we were undefeated powder puff champions (wild hunnies unite!) upgraded to AIM and Abercrombie, flat irons, Cancun for spring break (yes a third world country, utterly unsupervised at 18. Thank you Jesus for keeping me alive and rest in peace Natalie Holloway.) my first frat party at SAE in TROY at the tender age of 17. So yeah, I was awesome. But I remember one thing, I had an awkward stage. 

Of course I had that no fear, invincibleness, world by the balls type attitude. The chunky blonde highlights (head games holler) perfectly mixed cd playing in my jeep Cherokee, and my lifetime favorite bonne belle lip gloss in cappuccino forever across my lips. But holy hell did I have an awkward stage. You know that gray area when you’re wildly unaware of your own style? when I bought canvas vans sneakers in a really feminine shade of brown. And wide leg carpenter jeans (jencos whatwhat and the loop hole was so useful). And some scary long sleeved eyelit shirt with an “undershirt” sewed inside in a terrifying contrasting color, complete with a wrought iron fence looking “choker” around my neck. Oh. Yeah. And my hair was gelled back into a perfect pony tail that rivaled that of a greaser from The Outsiders. My God I was soooo fetch! 

But I wasn’t. Because hi. Have you seen what girls wear/look like/act like/talk like now? And how they never went through that right of passage ugly stage? I mean they caught every green light in their drive through awkward town. Young girls these days are shopping at PINK and Nordstrom (or some reeeeally lucky finds at Marshall’s). They have perfected the messy bun, and they nail hair in general with their long golden sun-kissed locks every time. They can pull off comfy caj (soft j) kardashian-glam, or boho-chic-beach-goddess litch-ruh-lee with the removal or adding on of a flower crown. And don’t even get me started on pedicures and manicures. I remember when I was young, thinking (French) pedicures were suuuuuch a luxury, now? Part of #lyyyfe. (I remember the days I prayed to make it big and making it big meant one pedicure a month. Life goal: accomplished!)

I’m jealous. But I gotta tell ya, good for them! Good for you girls for getting it right and never having a less than proud moment where scrunchies, umbros and platform flip flops were a main staple. Also, I still can’t perfect a messy bun and I’m a fucking hairdresser!!! #embarrassing 😂

My message is this. I know there are people of all ages that feel like they’re going through an awkward time. I know there are people who feel like their entire life has been a stage of wondering and unknowing. I understand it because I’ve been there, and I’m sure I’ll wander down an avenue in awkward town again on this journey of mine. The good looks and expensive shit fades though. Be someone who can last through the fads. Have a heart that can love. Use your hands to help. 

Talk to make progress, not to just make conversation. 

In every stage of life we will always have a few choices, and if a couple bad choices lead us somewhere ultimately great than whose to say there was anything awkward about it at all… 

A moment of bad is just as fleeting as a moment of good. 

Let go of the tangible and hold onto something money can’t buy. Don’t worry if your hair isn’t quite the perfect shade of chocolate, or your body isn’t the hourglass we all wish it would be, if your house isn’t immaculate, if your child isn’t on a set routine. If you opted for the left over red white and blue frosted cookies from LDW2015 for breakfast this morning when you swore it was the day you were returning to your diet? Fuhgetaboutit. You’re doing great. And it was just an awkward choice not an awkward lyfe. 

Have you ever heard the old adage, to thine own self be true? I think it was Shakespeare. Actually I know it was Shakespeare because there was another movie I used to love called Renaissance Man starring Danny Devito. He was this short mad (Also mad short, for the kids!) teacher who worked on a military base and fell in love with all these kids who were fighting for our country. Cue Dion (from another, at the time, future favorite of mine – Clueless)and other swoon worthy strapping young bucks sitting in a class room, rap-singing shakespearian quotes aaaaand you had yourself a 10 year old fan in this girl. Tweens weren’t a thing yet, just average run of the mill young girls is what we were. #digressingagain
So there’s lots of quotes and books and self help sites and what-have-yous all over the place to remind us of the ever important message to…. be true to you! Love yourself first! Do you! Put yourself BAE. You know what I’m saying. But here is the real deal #accordingtome…   

  

See that? If you haven’t started the wondrous and enchanting, and sometimes scandalous journey to find love inside yourself, you are truly, I mean really missing the F out. Until at least your “late twenties” you won’t know how to not be bothered by the bullshit. There is the rare breed that is forever wild in mental midget land, and I just can’t with them. Not to say that at 31 I don’t sometimes catch myself asking “why doesn’t she like me? How couldn’t she like me? I’m so (awesome, nice, open) normal!” …..Still a work in progress to become completely allergic to bullshit. 
So here’s the thing, we all fight… with our parents, our siblings, and sometimes just CAN’T learn to play nice with others. And along the way, some of these little rain showers can build up a (shit)storm in our hearts and in our brains, and we are challenged to point the finger at ourselves, but since it’s a hard thing to do, and we get very defensive about this, we place the blame on others. Now, at this point we are finding and clinggggging to people who are miserable and breeding negativity right along with us…. When we are still (mentally) young. Lucky for me, I’ve had two great teachers of this lesson in self love, in self worth. 

I’ll recount one. There was a time in my life when a single person was ruining every. Single. Relationship. I had. I mean I didn’t even like kittens at this point it was so bad. I won’t go into further detail about this “stepping stone” (read: life sucking asshole). It was when I crawled out from under that suffocating blanket I called love, that I started down my happy little trail to discover inner peace. 

It was Christmas time, and I remember going to the basement of my parents house with a large glass of white zin and my iPod. I wrapped every single present and sang at the top of my drunken lungs and thought to myself “self, we just had a really good time together, I really like this night.” And there it was. A world had been born inside of me, waves of change (or was it white zin?) were crashing inside my soul and stirring up all the stagnant waters inside me. It’s actually really wild. I hadn’t planned on going this route. I’ve actually never recalled this night as the foundation of my new peaceful peachy self. The recollection of my soul doing its shifting on this very night never occurred to me before now. But the take-away here is this; because of me tending to my own soul’s garden, and planting new seeds of hope in my heart and hanging plants of change inside my brain, I had become my own person. Not Rita’s daughter, or Chris’s little sister, not the girl who cleaned the shampoo bowls. I was me. A hopelessly romantic girl, still open to love but now a straight shooter who had been through some shit. An upbeat young woman who developed a beautifully thick skin with a beating heart tattooed right there on her sleeve. Not that I wasn’t still a daughter and a sister and an employee of someone’s, because those things are in the makeup of my dna at this point, but I realized I was so. Much. More. 

Ah. The power of an alone cup of coffee while baby and daddy sleep this Friday afternoon away. I’m loving reconnecting with my inner English teacher, it’s fab.

  

So. I’m sure most of my peers (30 somethings hollerrrr) know what i mean when i say – getting older is sad, it’s achy and slow and so fast all at once, and can be downright depressing at times. (Four day hangovers are a thing at 31? Dubble you tee ef). But the level of confidence and off the cuff-ness that comes with age is my favorite part of growing up. Like ever. Feeling comfortable inside my body and more importantly inside my brain and heart is so rewarding after years and years of self doubt and self esteem issues. 
So. If you’re looking for some inspiration inside yourself, my advice is this. If you happen to be the common denom in a situation, you’ve got to try to look in the mirror and see what’s up. Don’t be that person who thinks they know it all. Or that you’re perfect. Or that you’re better than anyone. Beeeeecuz, you’re not. Be better!!! Be the change you want to see. 

……..Or just get drunk and sing as loud as you can in the house you grew up in. (won’t find nothing but a memory in the house that, built me 🎶 #mirandasingsmysoul) Either way. Go enjoy this gorgeous holiday weekend! Tonight we’re rodeo-ing @ double m!  
   

see what I did there? I did what everyone wants to do. Find a way to hold on to summer in September by acting like I’m 19 and using slang and lingo as it comes to me. Im one hashtag away from making it a thing. Unless it’s already a thing and I’m not as bright as I thought I was. Idk. Go on insta and see for yourself and leave some remarks about my unoriginality in the comments section. 

Or don’t.
Just take a minute with me and breathe in this thick hot september air and remember that September is still partly a summer month! I admit, I’ve had like 5 iced pumpkin coffees so far and it’s only day 4 of this magical month. Iced pumpkin? Sounds sac-relig. #idigress.

Anybody else walk into Marshalls like threeeeee weeks ago and see the explosion that is yellow, rust and red? The words harvest mixed in with some signs scribbled with boo?! Can’t we just enjoy the month in all its Indian summered glory?! (Instantly i hear Brooks and Dunn in my head, country girl #sorrynotsorry).

Anywho. Here i am, making my blogger? Blogging?  debut. I don’t want to make money off of this, or even force it down anyone’s throats but I have a lot to say. I’m pretty open minded and I’m walking through life with precious friends that blur into the lines of family regularly. I believe in God. I say prayers every single night. I believe in the universe and the powers that be. I’m so spiritual and I’m unsure if many people know that about me. I also have stopped trying to hide my specific breed of crazy because IT’S FUN. And if you don’t like me then….. Don’t join my fan club 🙂 God, “some e-cards” or is it @fuckjerry? or was it a quote I pinned? Anyway those snarky punchlines are my spirit animal and they’re perfect for places like here 🙂 
I’m a mom to a gorgeous, smart, delicious and full on Aries BOY. My super hot husband and I chose to name him after one of our favorite child hood movies ~ Top Gun. (Something about Tom cruise always stuck with me, until he jumped on oprahs couch and got extremely weird) but so it goes, we named little delicious…… Maverick.  Middle name John, after Dan’s late grandfather who we lovingly called Pop as he walked the earth with us:) I do hair at a super dope salon with the most talented, hilarious and kind women. I married my husband over two years ago and it has never stopped being an adventure. But more about all this much later! Bare with the simplicity until I dust my computer off and hop on the blog wagon. Welcome to retired sequins, a blog by your favorite vocabulary gangster.