2022 has been a year for the books. I’m not sure which books, but the kind that so much shit happens you actually burn the book because it was too chaotic, hard to follow, and quite frankly at times, it sucked.

This has been one of the most challenging years since 2016. I think I’d actually do 2020 over again before I did this one.

If you know me, you maybe, probably know a lot about me. You may even think I’m an over sharer. Because I am. I’m an open book, I wear my heart on my sleeve and my face is a projection of my constant inner thoughts. Like I wear my heart on my sleeve, I wear my dirty looks across my face. Thanks mom.

This year started out with some family health scares, that carried over from Christmas, into the new year. Everything checked out, but the winter months were touch and go. Thankfully the spring brought a little bit of what spring is supposed to bring, like wonderful weather, lots of sunshine, and a minimum of ten bikes in my driveway at all times. Baseball, bicycling, bonfires, and all the outdoorsy goodness.

We began the summer with food poisoning and that exact night trickled into an early morning where I thought my life as I knew it was taking the turn of a lifetime. Without saying too much, we had a dangerous and delusional, drug addicted tenant in one of our rentals. She was running a full blown meth lab and drug operation out of our property. It was scary, sad, frustrating and disturbing to say the least. From spring through the fall we tried like hell to get the situation completely regulated, and frankly, it turned into a nightmare before it got better. But it did get better, and I’m thankful to God every day for helping us through that.

The summer was much like the revolving door in the front of a fancy hotel, that I was stuck in, every day. It was a season of learning how to set boundaries. Saying what I mean and meaning what I said. This is where I learned that kind does not mean close, and close does not mean constantly together. I learned that even though I’m a mother, I can’t be everyone’s mother, and watching 6 extra kids in a pool will likely get you a one way ticket to the looney bin. There were times I was so overwhelmed by my own home, I had to escape to clear my head. I never knew how imperative it is for me to reel it in, and be alone to recharge. I’m learning every day that rest and rejuvenation is not the same thing, and both require diligent work.

It was the summer my husband hurt his back, which put some things into very clear perspective that we are in fact getting older, and we need to be a bit wiser with that, or life will get harder.

We had two beautiful vacations, one in Maine and one in Jersey, and then fall charged in like it always does. This is when we helped a friend out, who wound up being a con artist and stealing from us, using us, and trying to make us look bad. At this point, we were able to zoom out a bit, and start to see the theme of our year. We needed a new plan and fast. To be clear – our plan is forever evolving and thank God, because if we didn’t learn long ago to bend with the wind, we would have been broken for sure.

Fall was perhaps the highlight of the entire year, we joined a new co-op, and settled back into a routine. The boys played baseball, and Veni came into her own as the princess of the family. I threw the most epic party for Dan’s 40th, surprised then hell out of him, and hands down, had the most amazing day of the whole year. Thanks again to all our people for coming, celebrating, and getting me drunk within the first five minutes. The group of humans we’ve found and surround ourselves with, are the sweetest part of life, and always a good ass time. Fall was also when we closed the chapter on the meth lab lady, and it was the best relief we got all year. Oh, and then we bought the hoarder house next door 🤪

In September, we left our babies overnight with some of the best friends we’ve found, for the first time EVER. We went to a wedding, got covid, stayed home for 5 days. And just before we went back to work the next day, we discovered the first of 2 leaks in our house. Of course, in any good story, they happened back to back, a month to the day a part, forcing us to start the long awaited kitchen remodel. Which turned into a kitchen/basement/homeschool/dining room renovation.

We were lucky enough to be able to move into our Airbnb, and basically lived apart for a month while Dan got the renovations in our house, and the flip next door, underway. I had an amazing plan to teach the kids outside in the big backyard, cook beautiful meals and reset myself and my family for the upcoming holiday season. A welcomed break from the neighborhood, the hammering, the chaos, and all the noise.

Except that’s when the kids started a 3 week sick cycle where we battled the flu, the bug, and some other nasty virus. I felt much like what I’d imagine a single mom feels like, and that was hard. I waved the white flag to Dan, only a few times, forcing him away from work and to be with us. The kids were having a hard time with adjusting and finding their rhythm there, so by thanksgiving we moved back home. Since we’ve been home it’s been a construction site, the same revolving door, and school when it’s quiet. I’ve been learning how to accept help, and that has at times felt uncomfortable for me, but necessary for my survival and mental health. Between the erratic work schedules the holidays bring, sleep schedules, more revolving doors, more boundary setting, therapy appointments and pretty much every other emotion you can name, I’ve felt it. We have all felt it. We also just put our Christmas tree up 7 days ago. That one was hard for me, too.

Yesterday, I worked for 9 hours on a Sunday. I came home to the Christmas lights on outside, every candle in the windows lit, and a beautiful meal complete with homemade mashed potatoes by my husband. He’s pretty good ya know? Aside from when he’s joking about who I’m hiring to finish our kitchen (LOL, it’s him) he does get me, and I’m thankful for that. The other day I asked him to tell me three things he loves about me and he said “I love that you’re a bitch” and somehow managed to turn it into “because it makes me appreciate you when you’re nice to me” and if that doesn’t explain me in a nutshell idk what will.

That may sound harsh, but before we were lovers, we were friends, and we have fun together to this day. Our sense of humor is similar but different, and it works. If we couldn’t laugh at eachother and call eachother on our bullshit, we’d both be bored.

Ok so anyway, today I’m running in 4 hours of sleep because my poor little fratboy was tossing and turning for 3 hours and I started to cry when he got up and puked all over the bathroom. For no other reason than I am overwhelmed. I’m tired. And I just HATE when my kids don’t feel good, but more than that, I hate when it’s puke. My anxiety and nervous system haven’t been able to come down much this month, and it’s been a while since I wrote everything out like this, and I forgot how beneficial this blog has been for me in my darkest moments.

If you were hoping for a feel good blurb to read over your afternoon latte; this ain’t it. But I will find the light at the end of the tunnel, and land this plane so we can all carry on with our Mondays.

This year hasn’t been the best. But there were some really amazing God moments inside. My kids made forever friends in our neighborhood. The old fashioned, leave in the morning, come home at dark, and stick together, kinda friendship. As a homeschool mama, this is so important for me to know my kids are looked at by other children, and their parents, as totally and completely normal. One of the moms told me her sons plan their entire days around when they can see my boys. Makes my heart swell. And also, my nerves are shot because it’s all boys, all the time. We’ll be selling the house next door this spring, only families with girls can apply 🤣 kidding not kidding sort of.

Our neighbors treated us to a beautiful week in Wells Beach Maine, and we found our new favorite place. Can’t thank them enough for giving us the break we didn’t know we needed, and loving us through all life has thrown at us. For letting us borrow tools, sugar, and their daughter to babysit in the drop of a dime. The other was in Atlantic City, my MIL + FIL spoiled us, and every day the weather was a dream. A really nice way to end our summer.

Our new co-op has been a blessing in every way, and I’ve never been more sure of the path we are on with learning at home, and along like minded people. This journey has given us friends who breathe life into our family. People who care, who help, and who understand our lifestyle and the importance of how and why we do it. Homeschool Lyfe forev ☠️

We have learned how important health is ever since my mother passed away, but as we inch closer to our forties, (holy shit honestly. Just holy shit.) we are finally seeing that health truly is the new wealth, and making strides together as a family to hold that high up on the priority list, and as a moral and value in our every day life. Learning about clean food and an overall natural life path has been a huge blessing and enlightening adventure to lean into with my family.

We have done some hard work in our marriage this year. This part of me is super sacred and special so I’ll just say, we came out of a very dark place. In that space we lived for a few months. We had to plant new seeds and water them, every day. We promised to put forth the work to show up, ask for help, ask for forgiveness, ASK. for grace, and promise to always do the hard and holy work that God intended us to do, when we joined hands and hearts in marriage almost 10 years ago.

At the end of the day, week, month, year, I’m always grateful for these simple things: my children. Their health. My husband, and all that he does for us. His health. My own health. I’m thankful for my capabilities as a mom, housewife, homemaker, homeschooler, and professional. The fact I’m able to do and be all these things are not lost on me, and I’m thankful to be a woman in this day and age. Im grateful for the unwavering love and loyalty from a few great friends. The relationships I have, the family I have, mainly, my siblings. Their health. I’m grateful that all my nieces and nephews are healthy. I thank God every day, and pray regularly for all these things to continue.

So, for me, even after the challenging and draining days, I lay my head down on the pillow knowing I’m a good person. Married to a good man. With happy, healthy and well adjusted kids. In a home that is my safety and sanctuary. Going into Christmas week, I have a feeling of peace. Even if I don’t get all the Christmas presents wrapped, even if I stay up too late, even if I drink too many coffees, and too late in the day, even if I was moody to my husband for no good reason, I know I’m doing my best.

Knowing that when you are good to the world, the world WILL, be good back to you. But sometimes you have to look AT your blessings, not for them. They are everywhere in life, and some days I’m guilty of taking some for granted. I’m learning boundaries need to be set, even if it feels hard, sometimes more than once. You have to hit the nail on the head, hold your ground, ignore a text that will rob your peace if you answer it. Make the phone call. Ask the hard questions. Tell the truth. End the friendship. Ask for help. Leave the toxicity where it lies, somewhere AWAY from you. Love.

Life is so simple and it’s the human experience to complicate it. I read a quote this year that said “you are the universe experiencing itself” and that has helped me through some of the hardest moments this year. Because who wants to experience something that lacks luster, love and life? Not me. And not in this lifetime. So I’m passing it on to you. If you’ve read this far, I thank you. It wasn’t the most uplifting or glorious highlight reel we all hope our lives to be. This is real, and messy and hard, but sometimes that’s the way it is.

I’m wishing you a very Merry Christmas, a healthy and pleasant time when gathering with loved ones, and for you to experience the light inside yourself. And if you ever need reminding that you shine, you can count on me to help you.

All my love, B ❤️