This past year, after 2020 chewed us all up and spit us out, we were forced to evaluate lots of stuff. Relationships, jobs, hobbies, interests. Things we carelessly trusted people with at one moment, we suddenly found how important trust was in the next. How careful you had to be in what you shared. As an over-sharer, I know we had to evaluate friendships – Those that had lots of years in them, those that had lots of substance to them, and the realization that lots of years did not equal lots of substance. And those that could not withstand the political and medical shitstorm that ensued. I personally suffered from a few of these.

I’ve found myself mainly realizing that the people who say they’ll be there hold little in actions and more in words. Yet words can’t hold your hand or watch your babies when you’re sick or in need of a mental health day. Words can’t take your mind away from the stress as much as sitting in the company of someone who just. gets you. does.

In the last few months I’ve made some really amazing new friends. It-takes-a-Village type friends. Friends who step in when they know you’ve had too much, are doing too much, and the candle is burning at each end. Friends who hear your silence, even when you’ve always been the loud one. Friends who make your kids favorite meal complete with 2 apple pies and Oreos for dessert. Friends who come in and quickly become the answer to this prayer you never knew you were praying.

God works in mysterious ways, and I’m so thankful for the struggles and the pain and the loss because I would have, not 👏🏼one 👏🏼 of the spectacular people in my life I have today if I’d have chosen to stay the same. If I had picked the path of least resistance. If I had kept my mouth shut. If I had made myself small.

I’m too much for most people, but the people who love me don’t let that intimidate them. They accept and love me for it. I help them shine, and they do that for me too. And you know what else? They love my kids. And as a motherless mother on this earth, there is no greater gift than people who care for my babies, pray for my babies, and love them in a way that, maybe my mama would have loved them too.

So as I sum this up, I’m gonna thank God. For all he’s done in my life. The way he looks down and smiles at me when he knows something great is about to happen. The way he belly laughs when all 3 kids are talking to me at once while I’m cooking in a messy kitchen about to lose my damn mind. The way he’s infused these new people into my life to create a new woman in me. The one who is a mom and a wife, but then she is so much more. God’s plan.