As I glance into the backseat through my rear view mirror, I catch the littlest light of mine. Her eyes are fluttering closed, she’s falling peacefully to sleep. Kane Brown good as you is on the radio, and I’m reminded at just how fast we move through our days, our years, and our time here on earth. Last time I looked back into that middle seat, it was my middle son’s eyes fluttering closed. These little kids are so amazing. The world moves so fast and furious, really. That sometimes I myself am losing sight of the innocence inside every day.

A friend today checked in on me and asked why I’ve been quiet. And truly, I have been. Because if you’re not posting about Donald Trump or Corona virus, are you even alive bro? it was magical because, I have been quiet. And nobody but she, noticed. Lately I’ve been doing some soul searching as I do every change of seasons I’m finding. I look at who I hold inside my heart, who I surround myself with, and who I am because of it.

I’m learning in this new very busy very fast moving season of life and love and parenthood and marriage, that priorities need to be set, and they need to be intentional. These priorities need to be worked at every day, or they fall to pieces all at once. I’ve learned that long connections are not always deep. Forced connections never work. And natural connections are soul feeding, life giving, and necessary as fuck. I’ve learned that there are people that steal my shine and don’t clap for me and don’t want to celebrate me, ever. They want me to be there for them in their darkest hour, but when the strong girl is having a weak moment, it’s judged. Judged so hard. Judged so deeply and so unfairly. And that is what I’m giving up this season.

This period of being a motherless mother to three young children is the season. And I’m giving up people who don’t bring me joy. People who can’t find time to be there for me. People who can’t find the time for a phone call or a decent response. And I get it. It’s not all about me. But if I can do it, anyone can.

So I’m here to tell you. Relish in the fleeting moments. End a relationship that isn’t serving your soul. Stare at your babies while they fall asleep. Hold them a little longer. Say yes. Walk in the warm light of the sunshine. Practice self care. Buy yourself a present. Give yourself some grace. Yes we all have our moments. Yes we all yell and grieve and need help. But we are otherwise handling this season of pandemic parenthood and everything else us mothers do, like absolute champions.

As for me, I took my babygirl shopping today, indulged in a Starbucks coffee, and now I’m swinging outside on my swing my husband gifted me while taking a minute to put my feelings down on paper. This helps me like nothing else can. My husband kept the boys home, and Acey got to ride the mower, his favorite :). We had baseball this morning, and it’s been an absolute joy to watch my oldest get into something he may end up loving for the rest of his life. Now we will tend to the house, make a pot of sauce with tomatoes we planted last spring, and enjoy eachother and live and laugh and love today. Learning to slow down and simplify and be intentional is helping me grow a deeper connection within myself, with my husband, and my children. And it makes me a better me. Somebody with her own identity even though all my favorite things are what I am for everyone else.

Be the light. Slow down. Be intentional AF. And today, I hope you have Peace 🤍