Today I woke up and realized my son has had the same outfit on since he left nana’s on Tuesday. Is that disgusting? Yessss. Am I a little appalled by myself? Yes. But, does it really matter? No!! He’s having a good old fashioned, down home, drink from the hose kinda summer and I kinda love it. His dirty little feet are wiped every night, his little man-body is checked for ticks, and he’s slept for 13 hours each night for the past two nights and eats me out of house and home upon awakening, but hey he’s mine and he’s perfect!! So, yesterday was anxious filled until it wasn’t and all morning I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it never did, and I was petrified it would carry over into today, and poof I woke up and it’s all good! Sidenote: I did indulge in a few beers from 2-10 o’clock, and then had a bomb dinner with some wonderful live music, and then ice cream at Martha’s, because hi my best friends are in town and I never see them and I’ve been living on this pseudo vacation mode I like to live in during the month of August as to suck up all the remanence of summer, so give me all the summer shandys (yes I’m breast feeding, and I drink, because – wait have I already said this? – my milk supply is on FLEEK, and my freezer is flowing over with golden frozen goodness), all the neon, and all the humidity that my hair can stand because SUMMERRRRRRR!! I realized that it truly is what you make it. Ever since my mom left this earth exciting things that used to give me butterflies, sometimes give me next level anxiety now, but all my peeps near and dear know this, so I don’t know why I worry. I wish I could stop! Someday. And some days are still hard and I may just be really pleased with myself at how fucking amazing my laundry smells, or how I could brag about being a professional blanket thrower, because it’s the little things that mean so much (Luda voice!) and I’m kicking the SAHM games ass 4 days a week, so I’d say I’m doing ok! I even cooked a quinoa summer salad that I’ve been asked time and time again for the recipe! That never happens! Also, I bought an eggplant yesterday and I’m gonna fry the heck outta that sumabitch like my mama would have and make her do a little happy dance up in heaven that I’m frying shit and not baking it and that’s the kinda world I wanna live in. Also we had an electrician here all week who is legit the happiest man alive, and he put little nightlight outlets all throughout my house so I’m just gonna throw it out there into the universe and say, that it’s me, I’M the one having the best week ever! So hey universe, thanks, keep that shit up! I love you too 👑

You ever have one of those moments that

just pop into your brain and almost instantly your eyes are welling up with tears? Or see a picture that stirs something inside you to the point where you can belly laugh at loud? Ever share an encounter with someone that has you wishing you could actually slow time down right there and have the measure of a minute switch with the measure of an hour? Or have a conversation, one of those conversations you read about in books, the kind that explore the deep dark corners of your brain, of your soul. A moment that feels new and exciting but comfortable and perfectly broken in.

This to me is how I feel when I’m with my family. The people I love with all my might and those people love me and protect me back. It’s like having a secret only you know, but you don’t even want to tell anyone because it’s too good to want to share with anyone else.

I spent the weekend at my brother and sister in law’s house this past weekend and I have some sort of happy hangover where I’m just missing them. And I wonder why I wanted to grow up so bad. And I wonder why children are supposed to move out and move on and move away. Why schedules conflict and events pop up quickly and sometimes pass you right by. Why seeing people you love feels so good inside your heart. How it fills you up and you’re immediately a better person because you had some time with the best humans you know. My people. The people who make me feel understood, and safe, and loved. We talked about our mom and our memories. We laughed. We drank and ate and went to the beach. We were together, and I forget the rest 💙🌊👑

If you’re lucky enough to have at least one person in your life that makes you feel completed and secure, someone that you can be your truest self around, you’re lucky enough. Nourish these relationships, cherish these people, protect them and love them. Take the day off work and make the 4.5 hour drive with two kids and go. Just. Go. Because tomorrow isn’t always promised and these are the feelings that go with you when you leave this place. Just go be with your people, and fill your heart with happy. They are the ones who know me best. They’re the ones who make me laugh, who know why I’m crying. The ones who call me out on my shit and the ones who won’t let me take any shit. We share the exact sense of humor, we laugh the same, sneeze the same, and we’re all night owls. We talk with our hands, we like day drinking on the beach, and we like to eat. They’re my brother and sister and we belong to eachother. I never realized just how special they are to me and how pure our bond really is. How much they’re a piece of me now and always. We all sprang to life inside the same womb. The womb of the greatest woman to ever walk God’s green earth. Thanks for a really great weekend to my two favorites. Mom would have loved our sibling weekend 👑👑👑

Guuuuuuuys. It’s been too long! But being a mother of two is like all consuming in every way. Every single possible way. Like, allllll the ways, they’re consumed AF. So as I sit here with my milk supply on fleek and a watermelon brewski in hand, I find myself needing to write. Because last night and the night before I was way too entertained by #BIP, and this weekend I’m throwing my phone into the ocean once I get to NJ and unfuckingplugging 🙅🏽🏝👌🏼 to be with my absolute favorite people on earth 😁😁😁

How do I identify as a mother of two?! As if the bags under my eyes, constant smell of something scurvy in my nose, triple time in the laundry room and just your general mom brain trail of stupidity lingering in my wake wasn’t enough, here’s a new all time low: I used the rest of my pack of tucks pads to dust my bathroom recently. Yeah I did that. Because why the fuck not. I was done with said butt wipes and didn’t wanna waste a good thing, and also didn’t want the reminder of how bad my ass hurt for the month after giving birth/getting cut after birth for general repairs and then getting bit by a Lyme-carrying tick and all the other reasons you could imagine your ass hurting after pushing an almost 10lb baby out of the neighboring hole. I also don’t remember the last time I changed my sheets but I’m gonna strip my bed tomorrow because HOLLER IM GOING AWAY TO NJ THIS WEEKEND!!! And you’re not a mom until you clean your house when it’s gonna be empty. But the feeling of coming home to a museum-esq house is a fantasy I can get behind. Also you’re not a mom until you’re yelling at teenagers for speeding through your neighborhood. Also not a mom until you’re breastfeeding on the toilet. OK. Moving on. You’re welcome for all the uncomfortable visuals.

I know that my heart has certainly grown that entire world in size since the last time we spoke. It’s absolutely surreal insane crazy how much love you can carry inside your heart. And you know how I mentioned in my birth story how I forgot how much you love your husband after you give birth? Well there’s another part of the fourth trimester where sometimes you actually envision stabbing perfect husband’s eyeballs out and roasting them like the eggplant in your table scape centerpiece and serving them up to honestly whoever the fuck will eat them. True story. Promise. If you’re pregnant and want the whole truth about pregnancy please message me and I promise to be honest and tell you all the shit no one else will! (Dan, I love you so much it actually hurts sometimes, and I would never do your perfect golden green eyes any harm, but Jesus Christ put your clothes in the hamper before I stroke out thanks)

There’s this really genuine and innocent completely consuming love that has snuck up inside my world. Where I’m laying in bed at night and hear three different mouths breathing. And I can identify each breathing pattern to the person it belongs to. That I have three dudes’ mouths to kiss before I myself close my eyes to say my prayers and thank God for all he’s bestowed upon me. Thank my mom for being here in a new way for me. And count all the blessings that were once just a dream inside my head, for coming to fruition in my life. When I’m dressing the baby and talking to him in the bedroom as daddy is doing tubby time with Mav, and we both say I love you at the same exact time to two different people. To our two favorite people. To the two beautiful people we created together and brought into this world.

There are so many ways I feel love in a day that sometimes I have to stop and actually say out loud to God, thanks. Thank you for giving me this life and all its trimmings. The magic inside the little moments. The love that fills me up. The tears that sometimes just spill out from the utter gratitude I have for the way tragedy has changed almost everything I experience.

So here’s a little story for you. Since I last wrote, my sister in law had her third baby! Once upon a time, around 3 years ago my SIL was dying for a baby boy. With one beautiful little daughter with strawberry blonde hair and milky blue eyes already holding her heart in her dainty little hands, Trisha was rrrrreaally trying for a boy. Like if you know Trisha, she is one bound and determined woman and any advice anyone gave her to make a boy she was trying. Of course, my mom always loved Trisha and gave her two cents on the matter. “Put a turtle under your bed, any kind of turtle and have sex, that’s what makes a boy” if my memory serves me correctly I believe my mom even gave me one of those little wooden turtles with the bobble head from an island, to give to my SIL. Or an anklet or something. Unsure. Flash forward, Trisha had baby girl #2, beautiful and blonde, and looks like she fell off her mama’s face to be honest because Lemere genes run strong. So, once she got pregnant for the third time she was against any and all tricks, shticks and any tomfoolery that promised to get her the little man she so desired, and left it up to God to grant her baby wishes.

On August 6th, (the night before her first contraction woke her up around 3 in the morning), Trisha’s husband Brian came in the house with something out of the wilderness, like he so often does. Deer, bees nests, elk, you name it, Brian has brought it indoors. So here is this thing, in a ziplock bag and much to Trisha’s surprise it was a turtle shell. A TURTLE SHELL. I wouldn’t hear this story until almost 9 o’clock on August 7th when we went to the hospital to see that Trisha, Brian and their two precious girls had welcomed, finally, a little man to the family! To say My SIL took the turtle shell as a direct sign from the Queen up above is the most magical and special understatement. Not to mention I think she’s seen a turtle every day since Jameson Charles was born 🙂 🐢✨👑 My mom always loved Trishy so much so there is no doubt that my mom is like hey, just a reminder that was me!!! And of course just straight cranking out babies from up above. The bond Trish and I share is something pretty awesome and so very rare. To find a best friend inside your in laws is a wonderful surprise and one that I’ve always held close to my heart. When she shared this story with me, it was late and we were rushing but my eyes filled up in the hospital room and then again on my way home when I realized how truly moving this story was. And how important the bonds we make in life echo into eternity. That when you go you truly take nothing but love with you. And then you send it back, in the most beautiful way.

So as always my message is simple. Love the ones you got. Because they’re all you got. I’m so very thankful for my brother and my sister, and the family I gained when I met Dan. Trishy, Nana, KyPie and Loo, you’re all so special to me and I’m so happy that I have you women in my life, and my children’s lives. We are so so blessed in every way.

As for me, I’m just trying every day to live my best life with all the people I love. The people who love me, and check in on me. I love being a mom of two, suffer from extreme mom guilt and have never enjoyed work more. I cannot stand people who sit in judgement, who think they know best, and my fear of clowns is still strong AF. I love talking about my kids to a fault. So bear with me as I fall in love with a new dreamy little human for the second time in this life 😍 And as always, thanks for reading!!!