Well, I woke up to December’s first snow fall, and I cried. Because I was sad. Because it’s another month without my mom, and another first I didn’t see coming. I woke up at 7:30 and the house was dark and outside had the silence that only a blanket of snow can bring. I felt the tears start to fill up in my eyes and i welcomed an early morning cry. I instantly flashed backwards to this picture in my head. As much as I hate only having pictures, I love how many we’ve taken ❤️

What I wouldn’t give to go to Home Depot, Hewitts, and every stop in between in dad’s mini van. We’d be listening to Christmas songs and you and dad would be singing some dirty version you concocted together over all the years you’ve spent the holidays together. What I wouldn’t give to roll my eyes at you, or buy all the fun hats we touched, and then come over and put up your tree and decorate it with you while listening to Dominick the donkey, I wanna hippopotamus for Christmas, and every Elvis song we could find on iTunes. I miss the little things so much. I miss the things I didn’t realize were even things until now. I miss our Mondays together. I miss shopping with you. I miss being so excited to buy you Christmas gifts even if you opened them like a little squirrel. Mav woke up this morning and rushed downstairs to put the lights on. As he plugged them in and they lit up around your picture he said “oh good morning Gaga!! How did you sleep in heaven?” And I cried again. 

To my friends who are lucky and so very blessed enough to still hang out with your mom, or even FaceTime her anytime you want. I’m so jealous of you. But I’m so happy for you too. As much as it burns inside my heart to realize some people still have their moms, I’m genuinely glad for you too. What I wouldn’t do to share a festive cocktail with my mom tonight. What I wouldn’t do to go out and spend all my money on her favorite things. What I wouldn’t do for one more Christmas with my beloved, wonderful, hilarious, queen of a mom. So Merry Christmas season to to you my mama, all the way up.
A dear friend told me recently that because I can’t replace my mom the only thing I can do is be the best mother possible because she was that for me. I loved that advice so much. It was real and true and the best thing she could have said to me. 
👑 Every day I’m trying to be completely amazing in your honor. Loving and loveable, generous and humble. For you, for me. And for my children 👑