My mom was a force. She was a light. She was home to me, a haven of love and reliability. She gave me life. The heart that beats in my chest sprang to life inside her body.  
My mother was and will continue to be the greatest teacher of love, of happiness, and of fierce loyalty. She loved me when I didn’t deserve it. She celebrated everything with me. She stuck up for me even when I didn’t ask her to. She taught me more in her passing than she did in my entire 32 years. She taught me how to be brave. How to keep promises, and she taught me what undying love is. 
She taught me that sometimes letting go is ok, even when you’re dying to hold on. That’s how strong she was. So for now, I’ll hold onto the memories I have with her. Like when we used to take bubble baths together, and she would sing me her favorite songs. Or when we used to buy the newest Garth Brooks cd and lay on the floor reading the lyrics until we made it through the last song. Then came my 20’s, and even though I was excited to be getting older, she never seemed to age. We would shop, get our toes done and then hit our favorite bar with all our girlfriends to hold court and sing our hearts out at the nail. 
Wednesday night’s will never be the same. 
Life will never be the same. The road we walk on now will not be paved in gold. The road will be confusing and scary at times and I won’t be able to call you for a little nudge in the right direction. But because you loved me, I’ll keep walking. We all will.
I know you would want us to cry, and to feel every ounce of this immense loss. The gaping hole in our hearts feels like it will never heal. I know that you would want us to go on. To spread our wings and remember our roots are forever entangled in yours. That even when the stars are stacked against us, we need to keep moving.
Your strength, your beauty, your loyalty, your bravery, the fight inside you, the attitude you possess, your laughter, your love, will forever be the greatest things I’ll ever know.
I tried to explain to Mav what happened. And after I mentioned the sky and heaven, and after he’d been wearing rosary beads around the hospital the last two weeks, I taught him about Jesus. I know he was the purest joy and greatest treasure in your life and I will always have the reminder of who you are to me, every single time he calls me mommy. As for now, to Mav’s understanding he thinks you’re flying in the clouds on an airplane with Jesus. 
Not only did we share the special bond of mother and daughter, but we were best friends. I’ll thank God every. day. that he chose me to be your daughter. And I want to thank you for giving me the best days of my life.
To know her, truly is to love her. So please help me keep her memory alive. Remember to celebrate her birthday month. Buy a pocketbook in her honor. Light a candle, drink a captain, and rock the boat.

I will see you again ✨ 

Your circle gets smaller. Your expectations get lower from the general population and you hold higher expectations to the people who’ve proven true, all in the same breath. your heart is easily filled up by a little special group of people. You talk to more souls in heaven than you care to count. You fight to remember the memories you’ve had to clear out, to hold onto new ones. You ask lots more questions and learn to keep your mouth shut. You can find more peace in a single silent thought than you ever thought possible. You care less about the appearance someone shows and more about the quality of conversation they can hold. You learn how to manifest hurt. You can always find the silver lining now. You make eye contact with people. You send packages and letters to your dear friends. You keep more to yourself. You love like it’s the last thing you can do on this earth. You learn that silence is deafening. You know when to pray for others. You learn that when people push you away, they’re the ones who end up lonely. You hope for them. This is growing up. This is where you plant your seed, sow it, and watch it bloom.

Idk about anyone else but I am FRESH out of fucks to give. Everyone’s opinions slathered all over my brain and stuffed into my ear holes is starting to really fucking get to me. Like I feel like I’m up to my eyeballs ready to blow my lid with the amount of unsolicited advice/comments/intrusive banter I hear in a day. 

Thankfully, that is not what this post is about and that’s why you love meh. 

Ok, so I had the pleasure of working a wedding this past weekend. Call me crazy (read old) but I sincerely feel like I’m reaching a point of mental nirvana in that for the first time in my life, I actually feel like the things that don’t directly involve me, absolutely do not affect me. Family drama, politics, stories of money gone wrong, relationships, blah blah blah. It really doesn’t bother me. Where I once felt SO INCLINED to share my piece of mind and let everyone know how sunshiney life can be; or commiserated with the person complaining, I now, instead, just keep my damn mouth shut.

What. A concept. 

Ok so I wake up at 7 am on the Saturday of MDW, and I enjoy an alone cuppa joe on my deck that sits in front of my forever wild woods and enjoyed the humid and peaceful moments by myself. I’ve been practicing the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction lately so I took this time to put good energy and positive vibes out into what could have been a stressful start to my holiday weekend. 

My homegirl and I banged out some beautiful upstyles while blowing through boxes of bobby pins and three cans of hairspray. The girls looked topnotch-beautiful and it went off without a hitch.

Here’s what I’m gathering now that I’m learning to keep my mouth closed and my ears open, and not adding my two cents and certainly not agreeing by comparison. 

We women are extremely hard on ourselves. Grown woman after grown woman sat in my chair listing their flaws in how their head is too round, their hair is too fine, their hair is too short, their dress is the biggest size, they are the shortest, their zit is ruining their life.  OMG. Maybe I’m lucky that I don’t have a huge selection of people in my life that are so self deprecating but I was drained! Just listening was honestly making me tired. 

And then, the flower girl. Sweet, zesty little flower girl. Her confidence was thick like the air. She danced into my chair and wanted to stand in the mirror and watch my every move. I sat on the chair behind her and began. Her little smile, with every strand I pinned into place, grew brighter. Her verbiage was my favorite: “mommy LOOK how pretty I am! Oh my Goodness! Look at me!” 

Her mother watched with sheer joy. As she should have. That mother should be so proud of her little beam of sunshine. I couldn’t have been happier to witness the mother daughter bond and all the positivity these two girls exuded through a simple exchange. It was cause for a celebration, and I was proud to be part of it. 

Be confident. Be happy. Dance rather than walk if the occasion allows. Talk nicely to yourself. Speak nicely to others. Love yourself. Stop placing blame and placing hate and using words to destroy some of the only good stuff left. Innocence is only around in so many forms and we as adults need to water it, protect it, and hold onto it as tight as we can.  I want to give a shoutout to this particular momma, and all the mommas that are out there raising their children with love and positivity, peace and light ✨ 

Let the sunshine in. Keep the hate out. Include positivity in your every day. If you find yourself down a wonky path, look up and then look within. Celebrate little things. Let go of a grudge. Feel the lightness of not bearing any more crosses. Say one nice thing to yourself every morning and every night. Bonus points if you can dish out two compliments today ☀️ 

HAPPY HUMP DAY FRIENDS!