Have you ever heard the old adage, to thine own self be true? I think it was Shakespeare. Actually I know it was Shakespeare because there was another movie I used to love called Renaissance Man starring Danny Devito. He was this short mad (Also mad short, for the kids!) teacher who worked on a military base and fell in love with all these kids who were fighting for our country. Cue Dion (from another, at the time, future favorite of mine – Clueless)and other swoon worthy strapping young bucks sitting in a class room, rap-singing shakespearian quotes aaaaand you had yourself a 10 year old fan in this girl. Tweens weren’t a thing yet, just average run of the mill young girls is what we were. #digressingagain
So there’s lots of quotes and books and self help sites and what-have-yous all over the place to remind us of the ever important message to…. be true to you! Love yourself first! Do you! Put yourself BAE. You know what I’m saying. But here is the real deal #accordingtome…
See that? If you haven’t started the wondrous and enchanting, and sometimes scandalous journey to find love inside yourself, you are truly, I mean really missing the F out. Until at least your “late twenties” you won’t know how to not be bothered by the bullshit. There is the rare breed that is forever wild in mental midget land, and I just can’t with them. Not to say that at 31 I don’t sometimes catch myself asking “why doesn’t she like me? How couldn’t she like me? I’m so (awesome, nice, open) normal!” …..Still a work in progress to become completely allergic to bullshit.
So here’s the thing, we all fight… with our parents, our siblings, and sometimes just CAN’T learn to play nice with others. And along the way, some of these little rain showers can build up a (shit)storm in our hearts and in our brains, and we are challenged to point the finger at ourselves, but since it’s a hard thing to do, and we get very defensive about this, we place the blame on others. Now, at this point we are finding and clinggggging to people who are miserable and breeding negativity right along with us…. When we are still (mentally) young. Lucky for me, I’ve had two great teachers of this lesson in self love, in self worth.
I’ll recount one. There was a time in my life when a single person was ruining every. Single. Relationship. I had. I mean I didn’t even like kittens at this point it was so bad. I won’t go into further detail about this “stepping stone” (read: life sucking asshole). It was when I crawled out from under that suffocating blanket I called love, that I started down my happy little trail to discover inner peace.
It was Christmas time, and I remember going to the basement of my parents house with a large glass of white zin and my iPod. I wrapped every single present and sang at the top of my drunken lungs and thought to myself “self, we just had a really good time together, I really like this night.” And there it was. A world had been born inside of me, waves of change (or was it white zin?) were crashing inside my soul and stirring up all the stagnant waters inside me. It’s actually really wild. I hadn’t planned on going this route. I’ve actually never recalled this night as the foundation of my new peaceful peachy self. The recollection of my soul doing its shifting on this very night never occurred to me before now. But the take-away here is this; because of me tending to my own soul’s garden, and planting new seeds of hope in my heart and hanging plants of change inside my brain, I had become my own person. Not Rita’s daughter, or Chris’s little sister, not the girl who cleaned the shampoo bowls. I was me. A hopelessly romantic girl, still open to love but now a straight shooter who had been through some shit. An upbeat young woman who developed a beautifully thick skin with a beating heart tattooed right there on her sleeve. Not that I wasn’t still a daughter and a sister and an employee of someone’s, because those things are in the makeup of my dna at this point, but I realized I was so. Much. More.
Ah. The power of an alone cup of coffee while baby and daddy sleep this Friday afternoon away. I’m loving reconnecting with my inner English teacher, it’s fab.
So. I’m sure most of my peers (30 somethings hollerrrr) know what i mean when i say – getting older is sad, it’s achy and slow and so fast all at once, and can be downright depressing at times. (Four day hangovers are a thing at 31? Dubble you tee ef). But the level of confidence and off the cuff-ness that comes with age is my favorite part of growing up. Like ever. Feeling comfortable inside my body and more importantly inside my brain and heart is so rewarding after years and years of self doubt and self esteem issues.
So. If you’re looking for some inspiration inside yourself, my advice is this. If you happen to be the common denom in a situation, you’ve got to try to look in the mirror and see what’s up. Don’t be that person who thinks they know it all. Or that you’re perfect. Or that you’re better than anyone. Beeeeecuz, you’re not. Be better!!! Be the change you want to see.
……..Or just get drunk and sing as loud as you can in the house you grew up in. (won’t find nothing but a memory in the house that, built me 🎶 #mirandasingsmysoul) Either way. Go enjoy this gorgeous holiday weekend! Tonight we’re rodeo-ing @ double m!
retiredsequins 